If I had a dollar for every time someone told me they don’t like chardonnay, I’d be making a shitload more money than I currently am as a freelance wine writer in a small country.

Chardonnay suffers from an image as a shoulder pad-wearing, fast-talking 80s business woman. It’s loud, it’s brash, you know it’s great but you also find it kind of insufferable. You tried a glass of it at your grandma’s birthday lunch when you were 21 and only about drinking savs with the girls, and it tasted like a block of wood that someone had poured a bunch of vinegar over. You poopooed it, and never looked back, destined to a life of telling people, “Oh no, I don’t really like chardonnay, thanks.”

But it doesn’t have to be this way.

Chardonnay is one of the most versatile grapes out there. It’s like a blank canvas for winemakers to play around on, which means it can be rich and lush with heaps of oak, or lean and minerally and begging to be on the table alongside a round of just-shucked Mahurangi oysters.

The problem is that Chardonnay, back while it was still broking high-powered deals in stilettos (is this analogy problematic?), winemakers liked to hit it with as much oak as possible. Fruit and quality got left behind as winemakers tried to one-up each other with masses of new oak. This was all probably happening around the time you last tried it.

Happily, winemakers have reined it the fuck in. There’s still oak in chardonnay, sure, but it tends to be better integrated, making it taste more like you’re drinking pineapples with buttered toast rather than licking vanilla essence off a tree. There are still oaky examples, because people (like me!) learned to love that, but these are easy enough to avoid - there will be some hot tips later, I promise.

The chardonnay we make in New Zealand tends to have a lot of zingy green-apple-and-citrus acidity alongside its more sedate stonefruit and butter flavours. In terms of winemaking, this marks us out as being just a baby, vinously - they’ve been making wine since at least Roman times in France, and much earlier in other parts of the world. But as we’ve learned here in NZ in the last 100 days or so, young isn’t necessarily bad, and I really like NZ’s style of chardonnay.

If you feel some apprehension toward chardonnay, but my words have spurred you to action, let me guide you with some tips. Firstly, steer clear of anything from Waiheke or the Hawke’s Bay. I’m not saying these wines are oaky by default, I’m just saying that because these are two of New Zealand's key chardonnay regions, there’s a lot more variation in style, and you’re in more danger of buying a wine that will set me back on my quest to get everyone into chardonnay. The best place to start is Marlborough, where the cooler climate makes a leaner wine anyway. Producers like Saint Clair and Seresin have perfected the art of making great chardonnay in this terroir and you should give them a crack, for sure. 

Secondly - and this is key - DON’T buy an expensive wine. A huge mistake people make is trying to feed expensive wines to their friends who don’t like wines because they’re the “best”. This may be true, but expensive wines are usually more intensely flavoured, and usually have a decent amount of oak. Colby and Roquefort are YEARS away from each other in prestige, flavour and price, but goddamn there’s only one of those things a child will actually eat.

Thirdly, next time you get given a glass of chardonnay, take a bit of time to think about what you’re drinking. Wine is a great icebreaker, so if you’re talking to someone you don’t know very well, it’ll give you at least 2-3 minutes of solid conversation. Look for flavours like pineapple, apple, peach and nectarine, as well as things like toast, coconut, butter and hazelnut. Consider how it’s different to what you usually like, and think about a situation in which you think you would like it. As a special wine to go with a roast chicken? Or on a rainy autumn afternoon watching reruns of Great British Bake Off?

And if you still don’t like it, that’s ok! There are so many other wines for you to drink. 

©Wikimedia/Geoff Wong

Quite often, I fall into a weird, insecure panic as the third Thursday of November approaches. 

It’s the day that the dreaded Beaujolais Nouveau is released, and I am torn. Do I commemorate the day with a glass of overpriced raspberry vinegar that has no business being wine just yet? Or do I ignore it completely and stick to my beloved $7 happy hour Hallertau at Conch?

In the last few years, a new (and much less stressful) third option has emerged. Beaujolais Nouveau is not the only wine made in the rolling hills to the south of Burgundy, and the Beaujolais cru wines have been crawling their way into the spotlight, and many a wine fan’s glass, over the last few years. 

Beaujolais cru wines have become the thinking woman’s tipple for Beaujolais Day in November. These light but earthy red wines are perfect for this time of the year, as the days begin to reach well into the evening and the air still has a touch of bite. They pair perfectly with barbecued sausages, the smell of musty deckchairs just unearthed from their winter hibernation in the garage, and the feel of your favourite sweatshirt. 

Like most French wines, the Beaujolais laws require a little concentration to understand. The standard Beaujolais appellation covers the most basic wines made in the area, and the Beaujolais Villages appellation covers wines made to slightly higher specifications. Then there are the ten cru appellations, which each cover a small village within the Beaujolais region. 

Some of these villages, like Morgon, Fleurie and Moulin-a-Vent are reasonably well-known, and others, like Regnie and Chiroubles, are a little more B list. This isn’t to say they’re not as good — French wines that are easy to pronounce in English tend to do better in terms of fame, which is perhaps why chardonnay is so much more well-known than viognier.

Gamay, the grape variety that goes into all Beaujolais wines, was banished from the pinot noir-loving hills of Burgundy in the 14th century and took up residence in the granite-rich countryside just south of the prestigious appellation. This was a fortuitous development — it turns out gamay is much better suited to this terroir, and in the ten villages makes light wines with red fruit flavours like raspberry and sour cherry, and a touch of earthy minerality. 

Each of the Beaujolais cru wines have their own distinctive flavour profile. Those from Morgon and Chiroubles tend to be more robust and full-bodied (relatively speaking), while wines from Fleurie and Julienas are lighter and more ethereal, and wholly more complex and interesting than the Beaujolais and Beaujolais Nouveau wines. 

Beaujolais cru wines are increasingly available in New Zealand, particularly from specialist wine shops. They can be expensive (and it’s a particular rub if you’ve just been drinking them in France for €5 a pop), but they are worth trying, particularly as an alternative to Marlborough pinot noir. 

Whether it’s from cut crystal or a boot you fished out of a pond, there’s no one right way to drink bubbles. Live your truth.

From a flute: Congratulations! You’ve conformed. Flutes are designed for fizzy beverages by limiting the surface area. This means that there is less area for the fizz to escape from, keeping everything sparkling for a bit longer. Often a nice flute will have a small line engraved at the bottom of the glass, to ensure there is a pleasing line of bubbles rising from the bottom at all times.

From a regular wine glass:This is the one that wine nerds will swear by, and insist you use when you go to their house and get given some ridiculous glass of amphora-aged pet nat orange bullshite. But actually, these wines benefit from the same things that make these glasses great for regular wines — you can swirl with gay abandon, you can shove your nose right in there to smell the aromas and not accidentally snort wine up your nose (if this has never happened to you while tasting you’re a god damn liar). Plus it somehow makes sparkling wine into a wine that is ripe for everyday drinking, rather than something that you can only have when something good happens.

From a coupe: On paper, these glasses are crap for drinking sparkling wine out of— fizz dissipates quickly because of the surface area, and try walking a metre without sloshing that shit everywhere. But there is no other beverage and no other kind of glass that will make you feel as glamorous as when you are drinking champagne out of a coupe (note: this is only true of dry land — the second you take any wine into the sea or a pool, that will immediately become the most glamorous you’ve ever been).

From a teacup with saucer: This is twee af, admittedly, but you can’t tell me you wouldn’t be immediately charmed if you showed up at a garden party or a baby shower and the host handed you a cup and a saucer with a fizzy bounty inside. A ceramic vessel is going to be just as suitable for wine as a glass in terms of having a neutral aroma, and the saucer will provide a very handy spot to put your napkin. There’s nothing worse than being at a party clutching a glass in one hand and a spent skewer in the other.

From a plastic cup: Sparkling wine will still be delicious sparkling wine if you drink it out of a plastic cup. They say the best tasting wines are the ones you have on the best occasions, so by that logic, a cup filled with your favourite Champagne should be the best thing you’ve ever had in your life if you’re sitting on the beach with your boo on a still evening watching the sun go down. And if you’re drinking it while standing squashed up in a hallway at someone’s house party, that’s cool too.

From the bottle: Get it gurl.